It probably seems a little counter intuitive to say
that couples who argue are actually part of more successful relationships, but
new research from scientists tells us it’s true. Respected psychiatrist Dr.
Gail Saltz explains that “Arguing can be a very rewarding experience between
two people as they express their different points of view, their feelings, and
their individualism”.
While it’s normal to go through that famous honeymoon
phase where fighting is pretty much unheard of, as soon as we get comfortable
around each other our flaws come out of the woodwork and we begin to find
ourselves in need of compromises and understanding.
Dr. Saltz claims that in order to have productive
arguments that are beneficial, you must remember these 5 things:
“Don’t say anything that you’re going to immediately
regret, make sure that you stick to the topic that is being discussed, be sure
that you are listening to the others words carefully, speak honestly once you
feel anger boiling inside you, and you don’t always have to be right because
it’s more than okay to admit when you are wrong.”
It is essential to be able to discern when an argument has
devolved and is no longer doing anyone any good. If you and your partner find
that you simply feel enraged rather than relieved at the expression of your
frustrations, it may be time to walk away and take a break.
The arguing is only helpful as long as you are both
capable of communicating, even if is a little angry or impatient. When you’ve
reached the point where you are too emotional or upset to communicate your
point or to listen to the point being made by your partner, this is a sign to
stop discussion and calm yourself.
You should keep in mind at all times during a conflict
that this is a person you love, regardless of whether you’re angry with them in
the moment. Never let that anger overwhelm the love you feel, and your
arguments can never be truly destructive.
A verbal disagreement can actually be a great
opportunity for us to learn about ourselves and our partner. We find out what
they want or which needs they have that aren’t being met and we can communicate
the same information back to them. It’s important that you look at each
disagreement as an opportunity for growth and not some unpleasant chore.
Arguing unfortunately won’t get you anywhere if neither
of you are willing to learn from each other. Dr. Pam Spurr , a relationship
expert, explains that couples who argue exhibit so much passion for each other
because:
“The way in which you argue signals so much
about a relationship. The wise couple acknowledges this and keeps an eye on how
they treat each other over disagreements.Subconsciously, bickering demonstrates
you care about each other even if while bickering you feel annoyed towards your
partner. For instance, it shows that you do want your partner to drink less and
look after their health. Or you do want them to be on time so that neither of
you are stressed out when you have places to be and things to do, etc.”
When two people argue, it can seem like a negative, but
if you go into an argument with the right mindset and love for your partner
despite your frustrations, there is a lot of benefit to be reaped.
Be patient and stay calm, keep an open mind and try to
listen and each argument can be a strengthening brace for the foundation of
your relationship.
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